...........

Well well,
I guess I've been constantly updating my blog lately, ya?
Perhaps because I'm so bored as taking only 2 course which don't require you to read a lot or maybe I just want to write something in English randomly in order to maintain my English skill because every time I start freaking out with irrational deterioration of my English skill (which is not happening in reality, it's just a freaking illusion, or caused by my mind who likes to overthink). Oops, I don't know how to describe this incident, but let's make it clear, my feelings toward English skill is like a wave, sometimes you will feel like you are a native speaker, but sometimes i can turn out to be a terrible English speakers like C***** people.(No racism gets involved here, LOL)
Anyways, I just want to write something randomly, I guess I will name this post with random name, well, let's name it............(yup)

Who am I

I'm lost.....
who am i....
I don't know.....
They win...
I'm exhausted.....
Should I stop thinking and get over it....
I can't....
This thing is still messing my head....
I'm a coward....
I have an extremely low self-esteem....
I just find it hard to define myself.....
Majoring in Psychology?....
I guess I couldn't do it....
Am I optimistic?.....
I'm not sure....
Just tired.....
I'm a really coward who is useless....
They win...always win....
I'm just a loser......

Judgmental Judgement

Well, I've got nothing to write at this time, but I just want to force myself to write something in order to prevent myself from literally forgetting how to write or talk in English( I'm just exaggerating anyway).
Just read one of the meaningful chapters in Ellen book, "Seriously...I'm Kidding", well she stated that those polls from sundry magazines always influence and lead people to be judgmental because they are somewhat encouraging people to compare themselves with others, the statement that she said is actually a solid fact because nowadays lots of people constantly commit suicide because the comparison they always set with others.
I used to compare myself to those idiots who think they are cool and in mainstream and I'm the only one who is weird and bizarre. But now, I'm proud of being different, differences make you valuable, I can say.

Probably I always cover myself up because of some of my secrets are not socially acceptable, and end up oppressing all of them into my unconsciousness which lead me to have a fear toward my secret parts. I mean, we all certainly have secrets, personal secrets which you'll never share with someone or perhaps you might share them with your intimate, and friends' secrets which basically secrets that you and your friends know, and....

Even secrets have so much discrepancies, that would be no exception for humans, right?

Either way, if our parents who created us don't judge us with the way we are, you have no eligibility ,rights and power to judge us. Neither do we have those arbitrary entitlement to make a judgement about you. (It's hard to implement as I consistently humiliate Justin Bieber). 

Languages

It's been a while since the last post.
Anyways, I'm not kind of person who expresses their feelings by using words.
I've been studying in Canada for almost 1 year, I know time is passing so fast that we cannot take a break on it.
Whatever, the thing that I literally can't stand with is the attitude of Chinese people(exclusively saying those Chinese who are either from Mainland or Taiwan).
You'll never see them talking in English, I mean, never ever.....
You find it odd too? Yup, this phenomena is a solid fact which basically has driven me crazy.
I mean, you're studying in Canada, freaking Canada, and you know the official languages in Canada are English and French, right? Which means you're supposed to speak in English instead of Mandarin! You are just hanging out with those people who have same nationality or who speak same language. If you want to confine yourself and start rejecting the whole Canada society and instantly freaking out when someone talks to you in English, you should be going back to China, I'm serious!
You're just wasting the opportunity of studying in Canada, you're here simply because you are rich, I mean, your parents are so rich that you have a capability to purchase the most expensive car in the universe.

Okay, it's time to stop complaining about the stupid issue, and start talking about myself instead.
Well, my Mandarin skill is basically impaired by consistent usage of English which means I've been speaking English all the time and literally don't have any chances to speak in Mandarin, and ultimately my Mandarin skill is getting worse. Honestly, I'm happy with that for no reason, and essentially proud of that. Don't judge me, this is what I am. I like talking in English, I really wish English could be my first language.
I won't forget how to speak Mandarin, though.
Just wish my English proficiency could be as good as native speakers. And I'm positively sure that my English could be as fluent and good as native speakers eventually.

Psychology

Among tons of fields of studies, people choose business, accounting, laws, chemistry, computer science, but I chose Psychology, a challenging and fascinating field of study.
"What are you going to do with Psychology, to read people's minds?" You might ask.
But for me, it's because I am able to learn people as well as myself to see the world from different perspectives rather than just one single point of view.
Sadly, people tend to attribute others' behaviors by judging their personality but do they whether or not think about the person's past experiences, biological conditions, cognitive monitoring skill?
Depositional Attribution changes my mind to interpret different circumstances.
People tend to blame others' bad fortune to convince themselves the world is just and peaceful in order to protect themselves from vulnerability, homeless people are just innocent to be blamed that way, they don't deserve to be treated that way, we are human beings, not just the kind of creatures who are always provoking hateful and hideous stuff that makes people start hating each other and end up being aggressive.
Just-world hypothesis teaches me a lesson.
There are still lots of interesting theories and statements left in my passion for Psychology.
Psychology for me is not just a social science which teaches you how to know what others' thinking are or what happening to their minds are. Psychology is the way to let myself to be myself and help people to be themselves.
I have an excruciatingly growing background, conflicts between parents, bullying issues.
But I am tough enough to be overcoming each obstacle I've been through because I have a huge passion for my life.
Now, I succeeded.
I'm in Canada to keep chasing my dream, I have lots of amazing friends who keep supporting me unconditionally.
Life doesn't just contain complaints, sometimes it needs to be filled by happiness and dreams that have been motivating you to keep living.

Caltural Shock

I love challenges.
I love dealing with cultural shock.
I've been involved in Canada University life nearly 2 months.
There are couple of things that keep wandering in my mind.
Why they keep drinking alcohol excessively even they've been told that alcohol is not good for our body?
Luckily, I have alcohol intolerance. :)
Why they keep eating unhealthy foods even They KNOW what foods they should and should not eat?
I want to tell them or ask them, well I'm not brave enough to do that.
Can someone give me the answers?
or Why do they like Partying so MUCH?? Personally, I don't like partying...the music is too loud that can literally let you be deaf instantly, and people keep dancing and drinking, and too crowed, and sometime unexpected things happen....
I've seen people throwing up or even fainted in the toilet after drinking alcohol.
And they still drinking and drinking...

Stay Strong

I've been leaving my home since May....
I guess it has been 5 months,probably.
Within these five months...I've gone through a lot of things..
dealing with assignments, midterm exams, final exams,weather, cultural shock, loneliness....
I keep overcoming each obstacle I've encountered....
You might ask me:"Why don't you get exhausted?"
You will be given an answer:"Well, I'm exhausted, but I've been through a lot already, why don't keep fighting to eternity?"
Life is not a life without peak and deepest moment, right?
The road of life is not always even, sometimes you have to climb a mountain, sneak into a jungle, dive and swim in the ocean.
I can see a light that is not couple of miles away, why don't I keep walking and approaching the light?

First time of tasting snows

It was snowing in Oct 4, yes, it did.
I hoped it was going to snow, and it did which made me so happy.
But Canadians didn't seem very excited for that. :D
They were like "WHAT!?"
haha.

The snows wasn't that funny. It can hurt you somehow....
When I was walking outside, the snows kept trying to sneak into my eyes which was not cool at all.

But this is my first experience seeing snow in my entire life, I worth it.

I know I should've written this down in OCT 4, but I was too lazy.. :(

University Life

It's has been a while since the latest update.
Well, the Fall is here, and the temperature has been dropping apparently.
University students are coming back to studies, and lots of new students are here as well.
But, this probably is an obstacle for me because the cultures diversity between Canadians and me,
For instance, the floormates I met since the first day of September,
they seem nice but they sometimes ignore me, because they are reluctant and afraid of the diversity between them and me.(or because of my weird and broken English)
Hence, I don't have any local good friends so far.

The student groups seems is the last hope of making new good friends, probably.
I became one of the executive members in the student group without noticing, I thought the meeting was a welcoming meeting of new members but it wasn't and it was a council meeting which was letting people get involved in the group works, I guess.

So I have become one of the executive members...LOL
But this would be a good opportunity to make a good friend, isn't it?